dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I intend to get homeless drunk
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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