I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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