Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she smelled like a LAN party
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
