Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
