john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Pants are for mortals
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
