Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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