Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
