I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
