Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
