I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I think my moral compass just broke
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
