i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
