i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
