The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
