We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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