Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
