It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
