In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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