I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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