tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize