i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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