i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize