just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
