I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
