I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
