Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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