I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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