I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We were destined to go to rehab together
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I deserve this hangover.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
