i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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