WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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