I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
