i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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