god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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