im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
