if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
