i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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