She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
