dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She said her name was "party"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize