Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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