I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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