She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
