You can't motorboat a personality
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You need a sexual gate keeper
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
