I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
