thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
