OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
cat food counts as protein by the way
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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