someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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