I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm like, not good at living.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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