I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
