This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
