is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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