The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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