I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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