how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
