mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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