i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
