I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
