I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Can I color on your dick again?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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