I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
