i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
