I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
we're making bets on your personal life
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
