Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
