so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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