I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
