I just made out with a guy for $7.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
