the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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