We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
